Webster is conducting the interview with Mr. Moose the Office Newf via cell phone. Webster being a Manx of Distinction does not want to risk being drooled on. The purpose of this interview is an attempt at overcoming the partisan divide between office dog and shop cat. In this heated political pet environment Webster wishes to expand his fan base.

Webster:’ How did you Mr. Moose become an office Newf”

Mr. Moose: “I was originally hired as a security Newf. You know my breed is traditionally employed as security dogs because we are truly a terrifying breed. I stationed myself right inside the door. This was before we had access control. I was right by the door ready to trip any random intruder. I, of course, let important people like the UPS man pass as long as he paid the demanded milk bone toll. Really, milk bones are poor pay for a fine giant fluffy specimen such as myself. At this time Mad Molly was the office Newf but the postman made the mistake of giving her a vegetarian dog treat. After that, she lived up to her name growling and drooling on the glass as the postman approached. He got to the point that he just threw the mail in the door. Mad Molly retired. I was promoted to office Newf.”

Webster: “What did your new duties include”

Mister Moose: ” I learned to bring work orders to the techs in the back. No emergency call sat on anyone’s desk. I race the work orders to techs. I am also an official spokesdog for the company. I work closely with Bob. He pays me in french fries from Burger King. I was the star of an advertising campaign for security for pet-related businesses. Cat burglars are a major problem for most groomers. They have been known to sabotage cat baths. They say it is politically motivated because no American Cat should be subject to a bath in water. I, however, believe these cat burglars steal dog treats given to the good dogs who visit the groomers. The cat burglars are crazed catnip addicts who sell bootlegged dog treats for money for Nip.”

Webster: ” many shops have shop cats. Why can’t shop cats provide security?. After all, even in the average office, we can pounce on unwanted intruders from any random filing cabinets.”

Mister Moose:” I once went on a locksmith call to a shop with a cat. The cat scratched my nose. Cats are unpredictable by nature. You never know when they will turn on the shop owners and actually open the shop doors to the crazed cat burglars hyped on Nip. No every shop of any kind should have a security Newf. I also noticed that shop cats drink the coffee creamer in the break room when the people aren’t looking. Security Newfs however, provide nutritional coaching to the employee. Many Mondays I save the employees from indulging in unhealthy donuts by inspecting and tasting the donuts in the break room. Unfortunately, if I taste test all the donuts, the humans don’t appreciate it.”

Webster” I noticed two cavalier dogs work here as well. What is their role?”

Mister Moose:” Don’t get me started on the Cavaliers. They go with one of the techs to clear work sites of unwanted felines I assume. I am not sure what they do. They steal my toys… I mean work tools. I mean my squeaky Moo Cow is an important tool of my trade. I use squeaky moo cow to alert the human employees to possible intruders. I bring my squeaky Moo Cow to all the customers who come into the shop so they can throw it to me and see how good I am as acting as a squeaky alarm operator. I even put extra drool on the squeaky Moo Coo to keep the Cavaliers from it. It did not work so now I hid it under the owner’s desk”

Webster: “So you do not have a good working relationship with the Cavaliers?”

Mister Moose” No they want to form a union of shop dogs that demand french fries for pay… However, I have to say the Cavaliers are irritating and in general cavalier about their work. I would actually prefer the company of, do I dare say cat. I mean we print out lots of copies of work orders and a copy cat could come in handy?”

 

Webster: ” Well thank you for this ( clearing throat) enthralling interview” Mister Moose:” I must return to work now. I am inspiring Bob with the next great advertising campaign. It is time for me to inspect his lunch… and collect my fries”



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